My cable internet connection went on the blink, so I called the company. To my distress, a computer answered the telephone and starting asking questions and giving orders. My situation adequately described by a series of "Yes" and "No" entries, the computer asked: "Do you want to wait to speak to a representative or do you want to fix the problem?"
Well, when you put it that way....
My acquiescence registered via voice recognition software, the computer explained: "Fixing the problem will require four steps. Do you have something to write down the steps?"
I scrambled to open a Word doc and mouthed my affirmative.
"Alright. You will have a chance to hear each step again after I explain it. First, locate the power supply to your cable modem and unplug it. Then plug it back in." The computer paused to let me write this out, and then queried, "Do you want me to repeat that?"
No, I got it--unplug and replug the modem.
"The second step is, locate the power supply to your wireless router and unplug it. Then plug it back in." Again the computer paused to let this sink in, and queried again, "Do you want me to repeat that?"
No, I can handle that--unplug the router and plug it back in.
"The third step is, shut down your computer." A third time the computer paused so my slower CPU chip could catch up, and asked cheerfully, "Do you want me to repeat that?"
Aarg! No!
"The fourth step is, turn your computer back on." Again a pause, and I twitched as the computer inquired yet a fourth time, "Do you want me to repeat that?"
Never in all my days. First it insinuates quite plainly that human representatives are useless, and then it spoon feeds me "Turn everything off and restart it" in four steps, insulting my comprehension at every opportunity! They say that when computers get artificial intelligence and take over the world, we'll be lucky if they decide to keep us as pets--but right now I belong to the master race, ignoramus or no, and I'd appreciate it if cocky answering machines on steroids would keep that in "mind".
The Moose is behind all this, I just know it. He got us thinking of computers as humans so that we would get used to thinking of humans as computers. Once we compare ourselves as computers to the computers that are actually computers, we can't compete; we can't calculate as fast or conclude with such freedom from error or store such vast quantities of data. This proves (whispers the Moose through every automated genie or wizard) that we are inferior. Therefore we should step back and let our technologies rule the world in our stead.
Welcome to Technopoly.
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4 comments:
Did it work?
It did in fact. Like the joke about the computer programmers going to a convention when their car broke down. They all rolled the windows down and rolled them back up, got out and got back in, and started that thing right up again.
I know Fr. Barry has seen Wall-E, but has Ray Gunner?
You guys spent how many years apart, have finally gotten back together, and yet are communicating via blog combox?
Ray Moose just scored, and the game is tied.
And to get the ball rolling again...
Chiasmus:
He got us thinking of computers as humans so that we would get used to thinking of humans as computers.
Ellipsis:
Never in all my days.
Exergasia:
(The automated instructions)
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